Let’s get this straight… I am not pregnant with our second! This post is actually going to be about not having second babies but going for sterilisation instead.
*This post talks about sex. If you’re not comfortable with that (Mum) I won’t be offended if you don’t carry on reading.
A couple of my friends have either recently found out they are expecting their second child or like one friend, due pretty soon! I am absolutely thrilled for them all and so excited for when the new babies are born. However, this is also my worst nightmare. I cannot imagine anything worse than having another baby or being pregnant again. Just the thought of it makes me worry and panic a bit.
I’ve written recently about having Post Natal Depression and my fear of being pregnant has a lot to do with this. Even though I’d had two surgeries and had a lot of trouble walking after Erin’s birth, I went to the doctor only a week after being home to have my implant put back in. I thought that would be enough for me. I thought it would put my mind at ease.
It didn’t. AT ALL.
My fear of getting pregnant again is so bad that it has majorly affected mine and John’s sex life. As in we don’t have sex. Ever. I know this is such a personal thing to discuss and I wouldn’t normally but I feel like it’s something so important to this post. I am so terrified of an accident happening that I don’t want to have sex at all anymore. My fear far outweighs any desire I might have.
Erin is nearly 15 months old now and after admitting to myself that I have PND I knew it was time to do something about the other problems I had going on. John is the most patient man in the universe and would never, ever dream of pressuring me about sex. He completely understands why I feel the way that I do but I also know that it’s just not right. I don’t want to feel like I do and I don’t want to not want to have sex with my husband.
The only way that I feel like I can feel more relaxed about everything is to do something permanent. Sterilisation. I know without a doubt that this is something I want. I never really wanted more than 1 child anyway and Erin’s birth scared me so much and I have so many issues because of it that I just couldn’t do it again. John is also willing to have a vasectomy as well. I know this may sound like overkill but I really can’t/ won’t take any chances. I’m not sure I would feel comfortable enough.
I have a doctor’s appointment this morning to start discussing this and to see whether or not they’ll let me have it done. I know it’s big decision to make but I know it’s the best thing for me, my marriage and our family.
Do you have any experience with sterilisation, either male or female? I’d love to hear from you.
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