Last week someone came back to work after being on maternity leave. She was not happy to be back at work, and I don’t blame her at all. The first thing she asked me, knowing that I have a young daughter myself was ‘Does it get easier?’ People had been telling her that it does get easier.
I had to tell her the truth from my point of view. I honestly don’t think it does get any easier. I have been back at work now for about 5 months. I went back earlier than I had planned and to a different job completely. Although the job I have now is a lot better than the one I would have gone back to, I still never want to go. I work three evenings a week from 530 to 930. As jobs go, mine is pretty easy and I have no responsibility whatsoever, one of the reasons why I took the job in the first place.
Every evening at 515 I have to leave the house, watching John and Erin giggling and having fun. I want to be there with them. I understand how John has felt this whole time now. It’s even harder to leave when she cries for me and reaches out her arms waiting for me to take her back again. No matter how Erin reacts to me leaving, I want to stay and be with her and John.
I know that really, going to work is good for me. Having PND means that some time away from Erin is vital. I know I need adult only time and unfortunately, that only comes in the form of going to work. I do enjoy my time at work. The people I work with are fantastic and I get on with everyone really well. I have fun at work. That doesn’t stop me wishing I was back at home for every second that I’m there.
I count down the minutes until I can go home, sneak into Erin’s room and check on her as soon as I get in. I count down the minutes until I can listen to her snoring away in her cot.
So, my answer really is no, it doesn’t get easier. Not for me anyway. I assume it might do years down the line when Erin is at school but I can’t see it being easier any time soon.
Did you find that going to work got easier as time went on?