This whole parenting thing was going so well. Then the past two weeks have been shit. I’ll be honest, being a parent has not been fun and I have struggled.
The first crappy week was when my mum was here to stay. Erin cut her first tooth the weekend before that and got another a couple of days later. She was so upset and in pain through it and I found it so hard to comfort her. We tried a few different kinds of teething gels as well as the granules. Nothing really seemed to work.
Last week was even worse and I didn’t think that was possible. Straight after my mum’s visit the following Monday Erin has diarrhoea, which turned into a week of constipation. Every day I was unsure about what to do with her. Should I take her to the doctors? Part of the day she’d be completely fine, making me think she was actually okay. Then at other times she would scream for what felt like hours. I could do absolutely nothing to help her. Until she had managed to poo, she was absolute hell. After that, she would sleep for as long as possible!
I felt so bad for Erin, because she was clearly in so much pain. Again, I didn’t really know what to do with her. I knew the reason why she was in pain but there was nothing I could do to help her. The screaming and the crying got to me. Big time. In fact, I would say that it broke me. I sat on the floor crying quite a lot last week. I wished I could stay in bed and not get up. I didn’t actually leave the house properly until Friday. I was an absolute mess.
I will go as far as saying I hated being a mum. I felt like I was a complete and utter failure. I couldn’t even comfort my own daughter. I should have been able to do that. I was in such a state last week I was seriously thinking about going to see a doctor for myself. I think I was getting myself more worked up thinking it was a real possibility of reaching a state of depression.
On the Sunday night I finally gave up and called 111. Erin had a screaming session that lasted nearly 2 hours. I couldn’t do it any more. Shortly after the phone call was made Erin had done her business and fell asleep. The doctor didn’t really say much to be honest, apart from that she probably had a stomach bug and it would pass.
Thankfully, this week has been much better. John is off work and has been such a massive help. He knew how exhausted I was after last week and has let me sleep a lot. He has had Erin for most of the day, feeding her and playing with her so I can relax. Erin is feeling so much better and I have my happy girl back.
I don’t feel like quite as much of a failure as I did last week.