This time last year…

Sometimes it seems like 2 minutes ago that I went into hospital to have Erin. It actually all started this time last year, sort of.

On 29th December last year I had a final hospital appointment to see how Erin was developing and to decide on what was going to happen. During that appointment I got told to go to the delivery suite to be induced. I actually refused and told them I’d go back in the morning, a year ago today. I wanted to go home and get myself sorted out before being induced!

So, this time last year I headed to hospital at 8am, ready to be induced. We got there on time but had to wait about 4 hours for anything to even be done. I remember being so annoyed because I had to wait around for nothing. The first day is a bit of a haze to be honest. I remember nothing happening a lot. After finally being induced there was lots of checks being done and lots of walking around to bring on labour. That did not happen.

Day 2 came and still nothing was happening. 24 hours after induction and we tried again. More waiting around for something to happen. I walked. I ate. I got bored. I slept. Then, after being hooked up to machines for 4 hours solid I begged and begged to go for a cigarette. My midwife was not very happy but I threatened to cry and have a melt down so she let me and warned me to come back immediately if anything changed. This was about 8pm if I remember right. When we got back I had a ‘show’. She was not pleased. Ooops.

From here I don’t remember an awful lot. I remember having my waters broken for me. I remember the anesthetist being mad at me for not staying still when she put in my epidural ready for the emergency section they thought I’d end up having. I was in the middle of a goddamn contraction. Cow! I remember being put on a hormonal drip and Erin getting herself all wound up and stressed because of it.

Then, I remember being rushed of for that emergency c-section at some time in the morning. I don’t remember when. I remember being prepped for it and sort of remember what it felt like to have someone rummage around in my stomach. That was not fun, especially as Erin got her head stuck and they had to pull everything out to get her out! Then, my gorgeous girl was with us and John sort of didn’t realise. I had to tell him that he could hold her.

Then it all kind of went wrong. The local newspaper wanted to speak with us not long after being back on delivery suite as we had Erin on New Year’s Day. I don’t remember one thing I said to them, only that I looked like shit in the pictures. I don’t remember anything from my first day with Erin. I don’t remember holding her or trying to feed her.

I think it was the next day that the infection set in. The c-section hadn’t gone as well as it should have. I was super ill. I kept trying and trying to breastfeed and couldn’t. I can’t remember much apart from getting so upset. A few days later and apparently I was getting better. I should have been going home. Nope, the day that the doctor cancelled all of my tests things got a lot worse. The next day I was having surgery again after having tubes down my throat and a drain in my stomach.

It took 2 weeks of being in hospital before I was allowed to come home with Erin. John was there with us the whole time and looked after Erin for all of this time, because I couldn’t. So, this time last year was the start of a absolutely horrendous experience and not something I ever want to repeat.

People ask all the time when we’ll be having another baby. The answer is never. John thought I was going to die. I think I gave up on everything while I was in hospital. I still have infections every single month because of that hellish c-section. My little girl is absolutely perfect and I would do it all again in a heartbeat to make sure we had her but god, I never want to do it again!