I’m now pretty close to 32 and just recently I have been thinking about the old me; the me back when I was a teenager or in my early 20s. I was most certainly a very different person than I am now in my 30s. It’s funny how certain things in life change and how they affect who you are. I used to be the girl with the perfect make-up.
When I was a teenager I would get up at the crack of dawn to do my hair and make-up ready for school. I wasn’t one of the popular crowd at all but I made sure I went to school looking the best I possibly could. I don’t really know why it mattered but you know what it’s like at 14 and 15. As crap as it sounds, you don’t want to go through your school years being disliked and completely unpopular.
After so long of going to school with a face full of make-up, going to parties the same way and generally looking as perfect as I thought I could every time I went anywhere. People used to comment on the fact that my make-up was flawless and that my nails were always done. I’m not sure where that came from.
In my 20s I think I was pretty much the same. I remember not even wanting to go to the shop across the road or to the supermarket without having had a shower, washed my hair and put make-up on. I hate that I ever felt that way. Why would I possibly care if someone who worked at the local shop saw me without make-up or slightly greasy hair?!
I remember when I moved in with John after finishing university in 2013 and still being mostly the same. I know John thought I was crazy and he told me over and over again that I didn’t need to do that. I wish I’d listened to him earlier and it would have saved me so much time, effort and money from buying make-up! When I got a job where we live now no one there saw me without make-up for quite a long time. It took for me getting to flu to finally go to work not looking 100%.
I think it was probably pregnancy that changed me the most. It’s weird the things that alter the way you think. 8 months of sickness, heartburn and sleepless nights really makes you reevaluate what’s important and make-up and perfect hair really isn’t it. If pregnancy wasn’t bad enough then a 2 week hospital stay for Erin being born definitely did it.
I’m not sure how I’d cope if I was still the person I was in my teens and 20s. God, I don’t know how John would cope if that was me still either really. I would have to get up even earlier than I used to for school to make sure I looked that same way again.
It’s not only that I don’t want to be that person any more. I don’t want Erin to know me as that person. She already starts to copy me when I blow dry or straighten my hair and sometimes she wants my blusher brush to do the same as Mummy. She’s 2! While it’s lovely that she wants to be like me I hope I pass on more important things to her. I want her to know she doesn’t have to focus on how she looks or how other people see her. I want her to know that putting make-up on is lovely and having nice hair is great but being comfortable in your own skin is far more important than any of that. I wish it hadn’t taken me 30 years to get there myself.