Let’s get this straight… I am not pregnant with our second! This post is actually going to be about not having second babies but going for sterilisation instead.
*This post talks about sex. If you’re not comfortable with that (Mum) I won’t be offended if you don’t carry on reading.
A couple of my friends have either recently found out they are expecting their second child or like one friend, due pretty soon! I am absolutely thrilled for them all and so excited for when the new babies are born. However, this is also my worst nightmare. I cannot imagine anything worse than having another baby or being pregnant again. Just the thought of it makes me worry and panic a bit.
I’ve written recently about having Post Natal Depression and my fear of being pregnant has a lot to do with this. Even though I’d had two surgeries and had a lot of trouble walking after Erin’s birth, I went to the doctor only a week after being home to have my implant put back in. I thought that would be enough for me. I thought it would put my mind at ease.
It didn’t. AT ALL.
My fear of getting pregnant again is so bad that it has majorly affected mine and John’s sex life. As in we don’t have sex. Ever. I know this is such a personal thing to discuss and I wouldn’t normally but I feel like it’s something so important to this post. I am so terrified of an accident happening that I don’t want to have sex at all anymore. My fear far outweighs any desire I might have.
Erin is nearly 15 months old now and after admitting to myself that I have PND I knew it was time to do something about the other problems I had going on. John is the most patient man in the universe and would never, ever dream of pressuring me about sex. He completely understands why I feel the way that I do but I also know that it’s just not right. I don’t want to feel like I do and I don’t want to not want to have sex with my husband.
The only way that I feel like I can feel more relaxed about everything is to do something permanent. Sterilisation. I know without a doubt that this is something I want. I never really wanted more than 1 child anyway and Erin’s birth scared me so much and I have so many issues because of it that I just couldn’t do it again. John is also willing to have a vasectomy as well. I know this may sound like overkill but I really can’t/ won’t take any chances. I’m not sure I would feel comfortable enough.
I have a doctor’s appointment this morning to start discussing this and to see whether or not they’ll let me have it done. I know it’s big decision to make but I know it’s the best thing for me, my marriage and our family.
Do you have any experience with sterilisation, either male or female? I’d love to hear from you.
Good luck. As you are sure it is what you want it’s clearly the right thing for you, but if you haven’t already I would recommend getting some counselling as well because I suspect when you fear something that much I think you will need some additional help before you can fully relax and embrace sex x
I don’t have experience about these things, but for me – I like to keep my options open. You should definitely go for it if that’s something you’re sure about 🙂
Good luck to you. You know your own mind so stick to your guns! I think you have an honest relationship with hubby so I hope he is supporting you (vasectomy…? could be more likely to be done sooner rather than later and docs probably won’t give him a hard time about his choice)
I wish you all the best, I agree and disagree with you. The reason I disagree is because I think it is a tad overkill and just take precautions but sometimes yes they do fail. But I agree because I understand the pressure you went through the first time and the anxiety of going through it all again must be scary. You have a loving family and great support and that’s all you need in life xxx
I wish you all the best hun. And I respect your decision. I’m still unsure about a second child because of a traumatic birth and long recovery but if I knew deep down I definitely didn’t want another I’d take matters into my own hands too. Xx
If it is truly what you and the hubby want then go for it. We tried on/off for almost 5 years for a second and by the end of it I no longer wanted another.
I had pregnancy and birth fears, not because I had a hard time with number 1 but because it was so easy I feared the possible complications and the small chance of everything going completely wrong during another set.
We don’t need a second to complete our family, we’ve already done that with our son. Last year we went to the doctors to talk about a vasectomy because the pill was killing our relationship – 0 sex drive, depression.
I was 31 but he was only 29 and the doctor said “you have no chance” until I started talking. Once I explained that I just didn’t want any more, I was already in my 30’s, had PCOS, struggled for our son, struggled trying for a second and convinced her that I just didn’t need another child to complete out family she put the referral through.
I also wrote a blog post about it – https://www.chammyirl.co.uk/parenting/decision-one-child/ (I hope you don’t mind me sharing it).
I hope they give you the help you need. Whether that is the operation(s) or just someone to chat to about it all. Good luck x
Thanks so much!
It is such a personal thing to decide on, I hope you all the best.
Thanks!
Good luck, hope you can find peace with everything and feel more comfortable soon.
Thank you!
Wow a very big decision to make, best of luck with it, sounds like you’ve had a very traumatic experience.
Thank you!
That is a huge decision but I know your partner will support you either way. Hope it all gets sorted out and I like that you are highlighting sterilization x
Thank you! I feel like not many people talk about it
What a big decision but it’s clearly one you’be thought hard about! Hope all goes well.
Thank you!
PND is devastating. I know that having kids (in my case adoption) they can really wriggle their way into your relationship, plus the exhaustion of a little one, I’m not surprised the spark has gone. I’m sending you a big bloggy hug, and wish you well.
Thank you so much, it means a lot!
You sound like you know what you want. I haven’t experienced PND so I can’t comment on how I would be feeing in your shoes. I Just wanted to show my support. xx
Thank you, means a lot!