I always used to make fun of my mum for crying at the silliest things. I used to think it was really funny and I didn’t understand at all why she cried at things I didn’t really think were sad. However, having a baby changes you and it completely fucks up your hormones.
Here are the confessions of an emotional wreck:
It all started when I was pregnant. The hormones hit me quite quickly and I soon found myself getting emotional about nothing. In fact, the day I found out I was pregnant I had the mother of all arguments with John about the tiniest rip in the wallpaper of our quite newly decorated spare bedroom. I had such a huge breakdown about it that I KNEW I was pregnant then. The test confirmed it but I just knew. There was no way I would have reacted like that otherwise. I think John may have regretted marrying me before we found out why I was absolutely insane and irrational.
As my pregnancy progressed the hormones only got worse. I soon began to cry at dog rescue shows. I couldn’t stand anyone hurting the cute little puppies or the poor old dogs with 1 eye. If a dog was homeless, I would cry! Paul O’Grady was set to record but it never got watched. I couldn’t handle the heartbreaking stories. Sometimes these dogs don’t have a happy ending and I just could not cope!
One Sunday morning John and I sat down and got ready to watch The Land Before Time as it was on Channel 5. It is a favourite film from both of our childhoods and I couldn’t wait to watch it. A few minutes in and I cried. Little Foot’s mum started me off. I got to another point in the film and I broke down so badly that I cried so hard that I couldn’t see. I sobbed uncontrollably. We had to turn the film off and I have never managed to watch it since.
After Erin was born, I thought my hormones would go back to normal. I used to be quite ‘hard’ I guess and I didn’t ever really let my emotions show very much. Crying about dogs definitely wasn’t me.
Having a baby changed me completely. My sister now has a bit of a tradition when she comes to stay. Every time, apart from 1 or 2 times, she has made me watch something that has made me cry. War film Unbroken? Crying mess. Chappie – film about a robot? Crying so much all the way through, even when I probably shouldn’t have been! Moana? Cried twice. They are just a couple of examples. I think the only thing I haven’t cried at is Finding Nemo (I wasn’t really watching it though) and The Lego Movie.
Having a baby and being a parent has destroyed me. My hormones are completely fucked and I don’t think they will ever get back to how they were before. Honestly though, I’m not sure I’d want them to. I like how I feel when Erin does something special, like say Love You for the first time, or watching her learn something new.
I am going to be the mum who cries on Erin’s first day of nursery, school, college, plays, achievements etc. You name it, I’m probably going to cry.
Did becoming a parent do this to you too or did your hormones survive?!