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Dealing with grief as an adult can be incredibly debilitating – and that is with years of experience in handling difficult situations and learning to handle your emotions. Conversely, children are much less prepared for the complicated thoughts and feelings that come hand in hand with experiencing loss.
Photo by Ben White on Unsplash
With that in mind, here are some simple yet effective ways to help your child(ren) deal with grief.
Explain it to them in terms they can understand
The way in which you talk about death and loss in your household will vary depending on the age of your children. However, while your phrasing may vary, try to be as clear as possible. This will help your child to understand the finality of the situation.
You should also ensure that you give them a chance to answer any questions they may have. This way, they will find the topic of death much less confusing, meaning they will be able to get a better handle on their feelings.
In addition to this, you may find that reading child-friendly books on grief and loss is useful during this time. This is because they provide you with an age-appropriate way to discuss the nuances of grief and loss in a way that is easy to understand and digest.
Encourage them to talk about their feelings
Death can stir up a wide range of complicated feelings, from sadness to anger. While, as adults, we are more familiar with this (and the five stages of grief), children may feel overwhelmed by the sheer weight of their feelings or the rate at which they fluctuate. As such, you should encourage them to talk openly about how they are feeling, even if they are struggling to put it into words. Younger children may find it easier to draw pictures of how they feel.
Expect a change in behaviour
When dealing with big feelings, children can have big reactions. This often means that grieving children may start to act out. For example, they may be more prone to tantrums or misbehaviour in school. As opposed to penalising them for this, try to help them get to the root of their frustration. This way, they can help them to find a healthier outlet for their emotions moving forward.
You should also reach out to your child’s teacher before they return to school. This way, they can keep a closer eye on them should they need additional care and support during this time.
Help them to hold onto happy memories
Helping your child to hold onto the happy memories they shared with a loved one can also help them to heal. Fortunately, there are plenty of ways in which you can achieve this goal, from sharing stories with each other to buying memory bears made from an item of your loved one’s clothing. The latter is a great choice as it is something that they can carry with them for years to come, making it a great source of comfort.
Be open about your own feelings
When experiencing loss, many people attempt to maintain their composure around young children. However, studies have shown that being open about your own feelings (and not being afraid to cry) is actually beneficial. This is because you are showing your child to be forthcoming with their emotions, as opposed to bottling things up until they reach their boiling point. It also shows them that it’s okay to feel sad, angry, and frustrated, or even a combination of the three.
Find healthy outlets for their emotions
You can help your child to better wrestle the complicated emotions that come hand in hand with grief by helping them find healthy outlets for their emotions. This can provide them with a much-needed sense of calm and tranquillity. Fortunately, there are many different ways in which you can achieve this goal, from painting to mindfulness.
If you feel as though your child is struggling, you may want to consider enrolling them in therapy. This, again, will help them to get to the bottom of how they are feeling, especially if they often find it hard to open up.
Try to keep your normal routine
Sticking to your usual daily routine or returning to it as quickly as possible can also help to ensure that the grieving process is as straightforward as possible for your child. This is because they will feel as though life is returning to normal quicker, meaning they will not feel uprooted for too long. Furthermore, doing things they enjoy can provide them with a sense of inner peace, showing them that there is still a lot of joy in the world.
Let them know that things get better
Grief is not linear. This means that while your child may be feeling better one day, they may feel as though they are right back at square one again next. However, it is important to remind them that things will get better over time. Eventually, they will have more good days than bad days. Following this, they will also find that when they think about their loved one, they’ll be able to do so with a smile on their face.
This is something to bear in mind for your own grieving journey, too.
Final thoughts
In short, there are many steps that you can take as a parent to help your child process grief and loss, from helping them find a healthy outlet for complex emotions to ensuring that your loved one’s legacy lives on through their memories.
However, it is also important to note that you should take care of yourself during this time, too. After all, failing to show up for yourself and deal with your own troubles will make it near-impossible to show up for others, no matter your intentions. As such, you should make sure that you take a step back and give yourself time to grieve, too. In doing so, you can ensure that you make it through this difficult time as a family.