20 Months As A Non-Smoker

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If you’d have asked me at 25 if I could envision myself as a non-smoker, I would have said no way. I think I started smoking when I was 15 and by the time I was 30 I had been smoking half of my life. I quit for a few months years and years ago but it didn’t last long and I never tried again.

When I got pregnant with Erin it was the perfect opportunity to quit. I didn’t though and I feel bad every single day for that. While I was pregnant my sickness lasted the whole time and it got so bad I had to go on medication for it. I thew up blood. I pulled muscles. I had constant heartburn. Smoking was the only thing that calmed down any of these things and I just couldn’t give it up.

I tried to cut down throughout my pregnancy and I tried various other things as well. I had an e cig, I tried Nicorette patches and the Quickmist and I also tried a couple of vaping pens. None of it was for me though.

Unfortunately, it took Erin’s horrendous birth to make me quit. I had my last cigarette the night before Erin was born. I had been induced and had already been in hospital for 2 days and I was going mad. After Erin was born via emergency c-section the next morning, things went from bad to worse with me having sepsis, e-coli and having a second surgery after 7 days. I was in the hospital for 2 weeks, barely eating, barely drinking and definitely not going anywhere to smoke.

I was so ill that I never actually thought about smoking until the day before I was released. I have no idea why but I wanted to see if I could still smoke. I know that sounds stupid. I’d been so long not being able to taste anything and being starved that I just wanted something familiar back. After a couple of drags of that cigarette I threw it on the floor. I hated it. I thought it was just because my taste buds had been messed up though.

After getting Erin home a few days later I tried again. I don’t know why really either. I felt so confined at not being able to go out and walk around because of my surgery. At least I could go outside and smoke if I wanted to. Again though, a couple of quick puffs and I knew that was it. I didn’t want to smoke anymore.

Obviously, had I carried on smoking, it would have really affected the time I spent with Erin. I knew I shouldn’t cuddle or hold her after I’d smoked. I knew I’d have to wash my hands all the time and change my clothes. I could barely walk to the next room let alone think about doing all of that.

I remember writing a post when I became a non-smoker of 5 months. I felt amazing for it, even if there were a lot of cravings! I think, in the back of my mind, I always thought I wouldn’t last, that I’d start up again. Now though, I wouldn’t ever want to smoke again. I don’t even like the smell of it any more and that took a long time to go away. My life used to be ruled by smoking and travelling was hell. Now, I don’t have that any more. My life is much better and also, Erin won’t ever see me smoking.

If you’re trying to quit smoking, there are loads of places and products to help. I wish I’d tried more with them and quit before I was forced to!

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