I Don’t Want Another Baby But…

I have written a fair few posts about the fact that I don’t want any more children. That hasn’t changed. I still want to be sterilised even though that isn’t an option on the NHS at the moment. Just recently I have seen so many people having babies or getting pregnant, whether that be with their first, second or third etc. There are babies everywhere. It really makes me think about some things and I don’t want another baby but… I feel pretty cheated about my pregnancy with Erin. Although we were actually trying to

Can A Marriage Survive Without Sex?

It’s no secret that my relationship with John has changed quite a lot since we had Erin. I have spoken about Erin’s horrendous birth and the trouble that came afterwards. I have spoken about the lack of support and having no one around to help in those early days as all of my family live away. I have also spoken about my desperate need to be sterilised and how the NHS has failed me in this desire. All of these things have changed both me and my relationship with John. Erin is now 21 months

Sterilisation: Failed By The NHS

Last month I was supposed to have my sterilisation procedure. After months and months of waiting, and being on a waiting list, I had finally been given an appointment. The 19th September was quickly approaching and while I was nervous, I was pretty excited about having something done I’d fought hard to have and also waited so long for. About 10 days before my procedure date I received a letter telling me that my appointment at the hospital was cancelled with barely any explanation why. With the gynecology department at the hospital being no help

Confessions Of An Emotional Wreck

I always used to make fun of my mum for crying at the silliest things. I used to think it was really funny and I didn’t understand at all why she cried at things I didn’t really think were sad. However, having a baby changes you and it completely fucks up your hormones. Here are the confessions of an emotional wreck: It all started when I was pregnant. The hormones hit me quite quickly and I soon found myself getting emotional about nothing. In fact, the day I found out I was pregnant I had

PND and Panic Attacks

Up until last Thursday I thought I was doing quite well. I thought I had a bit of a better handle on things and that I was starting to balance out a bit. I was, I guess, but then I had a bit of a set back. I certainly wasn’t prepared for my PND and/ or anti-depressants to bring on panic attacks. Last week John had a lot going on at work. Apart from Monday night because I was working, he worked late every other evening. By Thursday evening I was really tired and very

PND: A Month Of Anti-Depressants

It’s been about five weeks now since I went to the doctor’s for my first appointment to talk about Post Natal Depression. I had a follow up appointment two weeks later but both the doctor and I decided that it’s a good idea for me to carry on taking anti-depressants for the time being. I don’t really think I knew what to expect when I first started taking the anti-depressants. I know the doctor I saw originally warned me that life would be hell for probably 4-6 weeks. I’m not sure I really believed her

PND And Me: Seeking Help

Yesterday was a hard day. After posting about my admittance of having post natal depression  (PND) quite quickly made a doctor’s appointment. I knew that if I didn’t I would probably chicken out and not want to go. Seeking help really is the first step to recovery. My doctor’s surgery changes its rules about when you can and can’t book in advance for so getting an appointment with a particular doctor is nearly impossible. My appointment ended up being with someone who doesn’t work there very often and I had never seen before. I actually think I

Being Able To Admit That Something Is Wrong

When I think about it, I think I knew something was wrong months ago. It was only earlier on this evening, after a row about something stupid and me crying pretty hysterically, did I admit to my husband that I think I’ve got postnatal depression (PND). I don’t think it though. Really, I’ve known for months but haven’t wanted to really admit it to myself or anyone else. It’s not just one thing that has got me here either, it’s really quite a lot of different things. I sort of feel like a bit of a